Getting It

Today's sermon was sooo meant for me. Thank you, Lord, for the way you speak through our pastor right to my heart. It is days like today that remind me that I am your child and that you care so much about me.

So the message today was about choosing to glorify God despite your situation. Hello...did Pastor Tom read my blog last week or what?! The Israelites didn't do this. They wanted God to fix their situation, and then when He did, they glorified Saul, their new king, not Him, their eternal king. They didn't get it. And consequently (as I'm sure Pastor Tom will take us through in the next few weeks), they will pay the price for their narrow-sighted vision.

I want to get it. I want to be in a place where I can glorify God in whatever situation I am in. I want to be able to glorify the Lord whether I am working full time, part-time, or staying at home. I want to be able to glorify Him whether my children are obedient or not. I want to be able to glorify Him whether my husband is loving or not. I was there earlier this week, and then I let myself focus on my situation instead of on my loving Father. Today I was recharged, but I think the key is continually renewing my mind and focusing on Father.

I pray every night with Elizabeth that she and the new baby would come to know Jesus at an early age, that they would love and follow Him everyday of their lives, and that they would glorify His name in all that they do. I think I need to add myself to that prayer.

Submission

Today I am learning another lesson in submission. My husband and I have had the "talk" about whether or not I can work part-time again next year, and after looking at all of the numbers, it doesn't look like it will be possible for me. This mortgage crisis is affecting us all. I am so sad...I so badly wanted to stay at home with my babies next year.

But I can tell God is working in me. In the past, when things have not gone my way and I have had to submit, I have gotten angry and blamed other people (usually my husband) for the situation. But today, I am subdued. I don't know why. I am sad but also at peace. I think after 5 years of marriage, and many other lessons in submission, I am starting to understand what the concept means.

My friend Pamie told me to find joy in this situation. So here is a list of the things to be joyful about when working full time.

• My working full time will keep my family out of debt.
• My working full time will keep our health insurance at a reasonable cost.
• My working full time will take an enormous burden off of my husband and will show him that I respect him. It will also enable him to pursue his dream of accomplishing his MBA.
• My working full time will allow my children to develop loving relationships with other people who care for them.
• My working full time will make me appreciate my time with my children so much more.
• As a teacher, at least my working full time is only 10 months out of the year. Also, I can be home by 3:30 pm, and still spend some quality time with my children.

I know that the Lord is in control and that He knows my dream. Perhaps when this mortgage crisis is over and the economy turns up, I will be able to stay at home. Until then, I continue to pray and trust in the Lord. He not only knows what is best for me but also for my family. I have to trust in that.

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God...Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you...Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up." James 4:1-8

Initiation

When I was in college, I decided to pledge a sorority to help me meet more people on campus. I went through rush, visited all of the houses, put down my preferences, and waited for a bid. To my joy, I received a bid from the house I wanted to join and began the pledging process. This consisted of one semester where I learned about the sorority, performed menial jobs for the sisters (such as phone duty or hashing), and basically got to know all of the girls that I would soon be calling my "sisters." I survived pledging and after 3 months, I was initiated into the sorority. From then on I was considered a true Alpha Gam and was expected to pull my weight as a sister. I did for three years, and I still keep in touch with many of my sorority sisters.

Last week, Elizabeth, Mike and I all came down with the stomach flu. It started with Elizabeth vomitting all over the couch and newly cleaned carpets in the living room. She then threw up every half hour from 7 pm until 2 am. Being new parents, Mike and I didn't realize until about Throw Up #3 that we had to physically get Elizabeth to the trashcan or toilet since she didn't know how to do this. It was an extremely messy night in which we must have gone through 8 sets of sheets, 4 pairs of pajamas, and what seemed like a million towels. I slept on the side of her bed, waiting for the signs that she was about to vomit, and then quickly would lift her up to the side where the trashcan was. It was a vicious night, and as I watched my little girl go through such horrible pain, I just prayed and prayed that the vomitting would stop and that she would be able to get some rest for her little worn out body.

The next day, I told Mike that we had now been initiated as parents. The last 20 months we been learning about Elizabeth and how to parent her best, getting to know her and her quirks, and performing menial tasks such as changing her diaper and giving her a bath. Basically, we were pledging the fraternity of parenthood. But after that night, I felt we now understood what it meant to be a parent. We survived the yucky stuff, took care of our daughter, and now we can truly call ourselves parents. I'm sure everyone has their "initiation" into parenthood at some point. Some come early on in a child's life; some come later. And I'm sure there are several "initiation" moments that are awaiting me in the future. I just hope they don't all include "holding her hair back."

Big Girl Bed - Part 2

So on Elizabeth's first night in her big girl bed, all of my fears came true. At 1:00 am, she woke up scared and screaming because she didn't know where she was. At 4:00 am, she woke up and ran down the hallway. At 6:00 am, she fell off the edge of the bed. By 7:30 am, when she officially woke up, not only was she glad the night was over, but so was I. I was so worried all night that I didn't sleep a wink. But even though all of my fears came true, she still survived. There were no bumps or bruises, and she eventually went back to sleep all three times.

Last night, Elizabeth's 2nd official night in her big girl bed, I went to bed exhausted and anticipated another sleepless night. But to my surprise, my big girl didn't wake up once! I was shocked! When I woke up 6:30 this morning, I couldn't believe that it was my first time waking up since my head hit the pillow last night. And at about 7:30 this morning, as I was getting my morning toast, out popped a little blond curly head that said, "Hi!" My big girl had awoken.

The lesson here. Well, there are many. But I think the big one for me is that kids are so adaptable to change. What I was anticipating to take 3 weeks, took only 3 days. And the fears that I had, well, they happened, but no one was any none the worse. We survived, adapted, and moved on, as we do in all things in life. And now I have a toddler who sleeps in her big girl bed at night. Yeah!

Big Girl Bed

Tonight Elizabeth wanted to sleep in her big girl bed (which currently is just a mattress on the floor of her new big girl room) instead of in her crib. Although this is the goal we eventually wanted her to reach, tonight it just came too soon. We JUST started taking naps in there, with me by her side. In my mind, I had thought that we would do this for a week or so, then progress to taking naps in there by herself, and then finally move to spending the night in there. In my mind, this process would take about 3 weeks or so, not 3 days. But there she was, my little elfkin, sitting on her mattress saying, "Night-night," and as I looked at my husband with a worried face, I realized that my little girl is becoming a big girl sooner than I had expected or wanted.

Sometimes I feel guilty, being pregnant and forcing my little girl to grow up sooner than perhaps she is ready. If this new baby weren't coming so soon, she would be able to stay in her crib and not have to move to a big girl bed. My husband and I wanted our children to be close in age, and we both agreed that this was the best rooming situation for our family and our house, but is it forcing my daughter to grow up too fast? I guess I'll never know because it's happening already.

Moments of Bliss

Three moments of bliss today:
1. Sharing a family hug with Elizabeth, Mike, Cheetah, and Bear in the parking lot of a kids furniture store.
2. Giving a hundred kisses to Elizabeth and making her laugh so hard she had to catch her breath.
3. Singing "Jesus Loves Me" as I put Elizabeth down to bed and hearing her trying to sing along.

Oh, I love being at home, spending time with my family. I miss it so much. But perhaps I appreciate it more now because I do miss it so much.

My Favorite Gift (so far)

Last Sunday I received my favorite gift of the season (so far!) Actually, it wasn't for me; it was for my daughter. We had our nannies over for a holiday thank you dinner, and they both arrived with a joint gift for Elizabeth, both very excited to give it. It looked square and thin in shape, and I guessed it was a book that they had purchased for Elizabeth. I thought to myself how sweet that was, especially since one of the nannies had mentioned that Elizabeth seemed bored with all of the books in the house. About an hour later I found out that what was inside the package was far beyond a book to relieve the boredom of my daughter. It was a treasure to both her and me.

The title of the book is "Elizabeth's Day with Bear," and the content of the book is a play by play of what my daughter's day looks like at 19 months with her best friend "Bear." The text is accompanied by pictures that both nannies had taken while watching her over the past 3 months. The pages show how she and Bear eat breakfast together, play blocks together, go for a walk together, play at the park together, and take a nap together. Mundane as it may seem, for a working mother, it is a treasure.

As I read through the book, tears welled up inside of me. These were the things that I used to do with my daughter on my days off last year. Now, two other young ladies get to do these things with her. You would think jealousy would take over here, but instead a sense of gratefulness came upon me. I'm so thankful that these two young ladies take such good care of my daughter and that they care for her enough to continue doing these things with her. And I'm so thankful that they love her enough to take the time to make a book that chronicles what her life is like at this point.

A couple of months ago a friend of mine sent me an email describing her point of view of working mothers. In the email, she wrote, "As for the working full-time thing...I believe in it. [My daughter] will be in wonderful hands and I will be doing what I've been trained and equipped to do for years. Instead of just one person benefitting from my love and skills, I get to help dozens of kids who don't come from the healthy place that [my daughter] does. It's what the kingdom of heaven is about - using your talents to bless others. We'll read to, sing to, cuddle with, and love [my daughter] in the morning, evening, and weekend. During the 9 or so hours of separation, she'll be learning social skills, learning to love others and be loved by others (besides us). It's more than just being great moms - it's doing our part as humans on this earth."

Last Sunday with the help of my daughter, a bear, and a book, I finally realized the latter part of this email. And I'm so grateful for that gift.