It is at this point in the pregnancy that you begin to feel that you will be pregnant forever. As people are making plans for the next few weeks, I am in limbo thinking, "Will I have had this baby by then? Maybe I will still be pregnant." My husband said today that for sure we will have the baby by Memorial Day. (He has such an odd sense of humor.) But to be honest, there are days when I think I will be pregnant forever.
I really thought I would have had this baby by now. I don't know why, but I really thought he/she would be coming early. Maybe it's because I'm so big, and so I figured when the baby hit a certain weight, it would begin the labor process on it's own. Or maybe it's because I so desperately want to go into labor naturally and not be induced this time, that I forced myself to think that he/she would be coming before my due date. A bit of my own brainwashing to be honest. At any rate, my due date is Tuesday and I have had no indication that this child is anywhere near ready to come join us on this side of my cervix.
Last week I was at peace with the baby not coming yet. I was treasuring my time with Elizabeth, and I was thankful for the extra days I got to work to earn as much as I could before going unpaid for a long time. But the other day, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I realized that I am now tired of being pregnant. I'm tired of looking like a blob, having to pee every twenty minutes, battling leg cramps during the night, and not fitting into anything (not even my maternity wear) anymore. Nine months is long enough. I have no idea how elephants do it.
However, I am sure that by this time next week, I will be looking back on today with a reminiscent smile thinking, "Oh, those were the days when I could sit at the computer for more than 2 minutes and blog." And so for today, I will be thankful to still be pregnant and acknowledge that I will not be pregnant forever.
