We had our 20 week ultrasound yesterday, and what an emotional day it was for me. It started out exciting, seeing a close up view of our baby, watching it's four-chambered heart beat so strongly, examining it's profile for resemblances of either myself or my husband. It's amazing how much you can see in such a blurry black and white image. Already I can tell that this child has a completely different profile than Elizabeth does. The head is bigger, the nose is sharper, the chin is more defined. I remember when we had our ultrasound for Elizabeth that I was convinced she looked like me. Everyone thought I was crazy saying that based on an ultrasound, but I could see my profile in her. And sure enough, as she's grown older, she may look like her daddy face on, but from the side she is surely my child. I told my husband that this child must look like him.
I then went from excitement to worry for my new baby. Worry because I can already tell that people aren't as excited about this baby as they were for my first baby. When I got pregnant with Elizabeth, I received tons of cards from friends and family. When I got pregnant this time, I received three. I understand the novelty of having a baby has gone away for us because we supposedly know what we are doing now, but I still want this baby to feel special and wanted and celebrated. I want this child to know that it was a miracle that God created, not just an accident that happened one night. I worry that this child won't be as amazing as Elizabeth is and won't get the same attention that she does. And I worry that I will then try to overcompensate for it and cause an issue between my children. I worry, and I worry until God tells me not to worry anymore. It doesn't make a difference in the situation. This baby is what it is, and there is no changing that. I simply need to love my children the way God commands me to, and trust Him with their lives the way I do with my own.
We didn't find out the sex of the baby, so don't even ask. I know, I know...we're no fun that way. Call us old-fashioned. We like to have the surprise at the end. So what do you think...boy or girl?
3 comments:
Every baby is amazing. I hate it when people say "Just wait..." to me. I really hate it. But, really, just wait. You will have the same love but in a different way. Its amazing how God stretches our hearts for our second babies. Its beautiful. I am so happy for you. I love you!
Robyn,
Speaking from someone who recently went through it all, it is different. But different in a good way. It is hard when the first baby gets the special cards, gifts, showers, etc. The second baby gets parents that can love with less fear of mistakes. You are more relaxed and able to enjoy moments that you may have missed the first time.
Remember, this little baby will come with a personality all its own and that will set it apart from Elizabeth. It does take effort to keep up on some little things. I keep a journal for Katie and Andrew. I write about the little and big things they do. When life is busy, this is a manageable way to document both without feeling like one is neglected. I will keep you in my prayers!
The second time around is much less stressful, so baby #2 automatically gets a special little gift of a more easygoing mom and dad.
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